These Words shared by My Parent Which Saved Us when I became a Brand-New Parent

"I think I was just trying to survive for the first year."

Former reality TV personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of becoming a dad.

However the reality quickly turned out to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health issues during the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her main carer in addition to looking after their infant son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, each diaper… every stroll. The duty of mother and father," Ryan stated.

After 11 months he burnt out. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he required support.

The direct statement "You are not in a healthy space. You must get support. How can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and regain his footing.

His experience is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now more comfortable addressing the pressure on mothers and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles new fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan believes his difficulties are part of a wider failure to open up amongst men, who still absorb harmful perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall every time."

"It isn't a show of weakness to request help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, says men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - especially in front of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental well-being is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the chance to ask for a break - taking a short trip abroad, away from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he required a change to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings as well as the practical tasks of caring for a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -physical connection and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has changed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotion and interpret his decisions as a father.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, long-standing trauma meant his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "poor actions" when in his youth to change how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as an escape from the anguish.

"You find your way to substances that don't help," he notes. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Father

• Open up to someone - when you are under pressure, confide in a friend, your other half or a therapist how you're feeling. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the activities that helped you to feel like yourself before having a baby. It could be playing sport, seeing friends or gaming.
• Look after the physical health - eating well, staying active and where possible, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mind is faring.
• Spend time with other new dads - hearing about their stories, the difficult parts, as well as the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help is not failure - looking after yourself is the best way you can look after your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the passing, having not spoken to him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead give the security and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - expressing the feelings in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they acknowledged their pain, changed how they talk, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I said, on occasion I feel like my purpose is to teach and advise you how to behave, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering just as much as you are through this experience."